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I wrote this post a few years ago on Facebook and it truly still stands, so I’m reposting it here, where I’m going to go back to owning my own words.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers, mother figures and all those who hope to be a mother (because I believe your child is waiting for you).

I read a post from Ann Lamott on the fact that she doesn’t believe in Mother’s Day because it imbues mothers (parents) with some sort of special allotment of love and caring traits, when there are plenty of mothers who don’t measure up to that and plenty of non-mothers/childless-by-choice folks who have it in spades. It stuck with me and yes, there is truth to that. But whether or not you are a “good” mom or just a human one who wants to be your best self for/with your children, one who no doubt experiences plenty of fails there, it is a special thing to have the responsibility of caring for a tiny human from as early as whenever they enter your life, loving these wonderful beings fiercely in spite of themselves and their horridness sometimes, and then allowing/helping them to become functioning adults outside of you. (Yes, fathers do that too, and that’s why they have their own day.)

I woke up today to news that a friend’s wife passed away yesterday and his young daughter lost her mother. He is such a good man and I know he will be amazing to this sweet girl and with their extended family she will be lovingly embraced in the years to come. But my heart breaks for her and the ache she will have. I can’t explain that mother/child connection. It just is. Whether your mother has passed away or you have a contentious or broken relationship with her, there’s often an awareness of what’s missing that’s akin to phantom limb syndrome. (If you’re one of those who has beat that, share the secret.) Days like today, with everyone taking pics as they fete their awesome moms or as they’re treated by their darling kids, will only exacerbate that feeling. And for those going through that I have always prayed for peace and comfort. And as we get older we can better understand and forgive (or work toward forgiving) those “bad” mothers for their choices as we accept their humanity.

And while one day to celebrate mothers may seem trite or like a Hallmark/flowers/chocolate cartel holiday, and the appreciation should also stretch through the other 364 days of the year, can it be so wrong to single out this one unique relationship for a little attention? And then maybe extend that loving spirit to everyone around us?

–Feeling sappy

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Sometimes I wonder, what if I’d been older when I had my kids? If I’d worked through my hella long list of issues before I became their everything? Would I have handled a marriage ending and the dizzying onslaught of solo parenting better? Would they be better off? Or are we exactly where we need to be for the journeys we’re meant to take with the specific strengths we’ll need along the way? 

I wish I could say it’s easy to stop looking back and to have faith that you’re where you’re meant to be at the moment while acknowledging you’re not where you’ll end up. But it isn’t always easy. It takes work. Daily reminders that the now, your present circumstances, is not all there is. And even when the now sucks, there’s joy to be had, optimism to find, and the you you wish to be can shine through. 

For many if us that requires a combo of faith, prayer, and mindfulness. I’m wishing you success at it today and every day, even as I work at it myself. #faithwalk 

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