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Full parking lot at the track at 6:40am on a Saturday when it’s already 80 degrees. Get it, get it.

I read recently that choices are diet killers. I get it. If you can waffle on healthy choice over unhealthy (but yummy or otherwise pleasurable) choice, things can get complicated. 

So for me, once I’ve made the decision to reach this goal, I can’t have a choice. It’s now what I do. It has to be who I am. 

I exercise every day. For now that means run/walking 2.5 miles every day until I can run better again, when I can bring that down to five days with 3+ miles per day. I’m also doing body weight exercises:squats, lunges, push-ups, jumping jacks. And some weights. I will build that back up but focusing on cardio now because it’s the weight around my middle I need off the fastest. 

Sticking to 1400 calories a day is actually not as challenging as I originally thought it would be. I try to keep every meal to 350 and know it means trade off elsewhere if I don’t. I try to leave wiggle room for (a small portion of) something tasty as a snack.

That’s me for today. Time to head out. Have a great one!

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Day 11. I stuck to my calorie count today. I did not eat into my burned exercise calories, even though I was ravenous when I got off the train home because I worked a little late and didn’t have an afternoon snack today. 

I was thisclose to picking up takeout Рyummy, delicious, saucy 1,000-calorie takeout. But no, I went home, made some quickie marinade and grilled my chicken tenders. Topping off my 1,400-calorie day with the last bit of protein I needed. And with a glass of ros̩, of course.

So I got myself some new workout clothes instead of more food or dessert. I have made do with my five-years-old, two-sizes-ago gear but I’m hitting the point where I need a little more motivation. And I can’t keep tugging back down the hem of the only sleeveless running top I had as it repeatedly rolled up my expanded tummy.

I accepted the size on the new clothes because I know it’s more about being comfortable than those numbers, even as I believe I won’t be in them for long. Bought them on the cheap at Marshalls. And they all fit (though I’m not ready to run in the shorts yet). 

I’m gonna be so cute in the morning. 

1993

Today a photo from one of my favorite days ever popped up in Facebook’s memories tool: the wedding day of one of my nearest and dearest friends. And I didn’t/still haven’t allowed it on my timeline, even though my friend looks amazing, in all her Audrey Hepburn glory, and even though I remember how happy that day was for us all.

I didn’t share it because I was huge. It was eight months after I had my daughter and I’d put on a lot of weight with that pregnancy. It’s still hard to see. Even harder because I’m just as big now.

A week and a half ago I hit my personal wall and found my resolve. I’ve come to terms with the lifestyle changes necessary and I’m not trying to do them–I’m doing them. There is no try. Only do. I’m down 5 lbs. already. I have 80 to go.

I just put that in writing. For the world to see. Because it’s happening. Because for the first time in 20 years, even though I have never lost a sense of my attractiveness, I can finally acknowledge that I want to be skinny again (like in that picture above), and much of that is in my control.

Run. Every day. Stick to the daily calorie count/nutritional goals. Every day. Retrain my tastebuds. Rewrite my mindset. Every day.

I wasn’t going to do a big declaration thing but here I am. I’ve been athletic in the past (half marathon six years ago, plenty of gym time with a great trainer) and I love feeling strong but I’ve never been as fully committed to my health (eating habits included) as I am now. I’ve let difficulties and stress lead to emotional eating and lack of movement. But that’s over. Because guess what…there will always be stress! So oxygen mask on myself if I want to live the life I’ve envisioned. And I can use all the help and encouragement you can share, fam.

Y’all think I’m cute now? Wait til you see me in the coming months and year. I’m gonna be stuntin’ on errybody.

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