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I had something happen the other day that made me feel bad about myself and I was in the middle of squawking about it to a friend when he commented how hard a time of it I’d had recently. I paused and asked what he meant by that. He listed this litany of things that had had happened in the last three weeks that had either brought me low or otherwise set me back. And I was actually stunned because at the moment I was complaining about the current crisis, I didn’t feel altogether oppressed. It was just another thing to bump up against, figure out how to manage (both practically and emotionally) and then move on from. My process neccessitates me stewing in it at first and talking it out with my friends (thanks, guys) but thankfully my life is so fluid I don’t have time to wallow too long.

It dawned on me that I was either becoming inured to trauma/adversity or was simply learning a valuable lesson. My therapist articulated it when he picked up on my language in describing these days/instances as good or bad. He advised me to stop assigning such qualities to what is essentially the normal ebb and flow of life (though, admittedly, my life seems to trend to the extremes). Accept the impermanence of everything–nothing good lasts forever but nothing bad does either. Amen.

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I rang in the new year last night with friends I love dearly the same way we have for years, talking and eating and laughing, just minus one person. Today I cooked lots of food as friends stopped by and watched movies with us. And there was more talking and laughing. Somewhere in there, despite the massive hangover I woke up with, I went on 30-minute run that just made me feel so good. I had a great day.

I am tired and plan to sleep well. The future is still unknown but I am more sure than ever that I will be alright.

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