I don’t know why I’m always so surprised when some bit of pop culture seems to be hyper-relevant to my state of mind or situation. I mean, that’s what good writing is about, be it in books, songs, movies, or TV. It’s  tapping into commonly shared experiences/emotions/dysfunctions, giving you that yeah-I-recognize-that moment. We’re used to it with songs; after all, they’re the soundtracks to our lives. For instance, Keri Hilson’s ‘Knock You Down’ will always remind me of this summer, the first few months after my marriage ended, not necessarily because the words were so important (although, the getting back up when knocked down theme is great) but because I spent so much time in the car with the kids listening to the radio and it was on almost every station.

Yet I was oddly surprised when while I was watching the fantastic fall finale of Glee, a character spoke words that described the sense of loss I feel whenever I see my husband, which is mostly in court sessions now.

”I mean, I really want to feel that thing I always felt when I looked at you before, that feeling of family, of love… but it’s gone.”–Will Shuester

This resonance makes sense: Will was betrayed by his wife (who faked a pregnancy), I’ve been betrayed by my husband (who’s illness led him to attack me).  Will’s wife asked if “it” was gone forever. I know that answer for me is painful no matter which it goes. If it is gone forever, it feels like such a travesty and waste of 16 years of making a life together. Yet if it does ever come back, how painful would that be? To continue to feel such a powerful connection to a person who’s hurt me so badly and shows an incapacity to accept responsibility for their actions just seems too cruel.