Every time I have to let a casual acquaintance know about my breakup I have to fight the urge to use polite corporate break-up speak. You know those staffwide emails that are all subtext, the parting of ways that was not really a mutual decision but we’ll all try to pretend otherwise:

“After 16 years in this marriage, TKTK has decided to seek new opportunities. He has been instrumental in the development of our family unit and has left behind two progeny as part of his family legacy. We will miss all that he brought to the job and wish him well on his new adventure.”

Not.